Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross to be executed

Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand are to be publicly executed and all of their recorded shows, books, and possessions destroyed after worldwide outrage caused by their prank calls made on Radio 2, 11 days ago.

The judgement was announced in a statement by Prime Minister Gordan Brown this morning.

The calls in question were made by the pair to actor Andrew Sachs on Brand's Saturday night programme. As word of the prank spread, stock markets around the world began to crash, eventually falling to a 1000 year low.

Brand told reporters: "Apparently the prank also created ripples in the space-time continuum, causing planet wide earth quakes, flash floods and general death and destruction."

He added he was sorry he upset Sachs, famous for his part in Fawlty Towers, over comments made about the actor's granddaughter and for bringing back Small Pox.

The calls were broadcast as part of Russell Brand's pre-recorded show on 18 October.

During the calls, Ross swore and said Brand had slept with Sachs' granddaughter.

More than 18 quadrillion people have complained to the BBC since the show aired. One of which was a young starving boy living in Africa. "I maybe dying from hunger, but what Russell and Jonathan said was simply unacceptable. I'm glad action is being taken to rectify this travesty."

Mark Thompson (BBC Director) said he would be returning from a holiday and would "like to take a pivotal role in their executions…..once the world’s gravity stabilises that is.”

He went on to say, "Since Sunday, I have been in regular contact with the Prime Minister tasked with handling this issue."

Prime Minister Gordon Brown criticized the pair for "endangering the entire human race", while Conservative shadow science secretary Jeremy Kunt said in a speech on Wednesday that "The government was still trying to ascertain the impact Jonathans’ and Brands’ prank had had on the stability of other dimensions".

Daily Spam thinks this whole affair is a load of bollocks, and wishes major news vendors would pipe the fuck down and report something that actually matters. Like that Kerry Katona drunken TV interview thing, stuff like that.



Written by Pukka and Imran.